


For better or for worse

by nandonman



Series: Destroy Me [4]
Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Angst-centric whoops, Biting, Comfort/Angst, Josh Washington Is Not a Wendigo, Josh got a haircut, M/M, Mild Gore, Nightmares, Washingroe, and mike kinda is too, bcs i said so, it's the elliot haircut, josh is kinda smitten
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:47:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23455753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nandonman/pseuds/nandonman
Summary: A continuation of the timeline of Josh's feelings for Mike.(ORQuarantine has me hyperfixating on these two istg)
Relationships: Mike Munroe/Josh Washington
Series: Destroy Me [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1679794
Comments: 6
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It's a little all over the place, sorry. But i hope u enjoy regardless <3

The room was cold all throughout December. At night, chilling air would swoop in from the cracks underneath the windowsill and through the vents, enveloping the two men in cold as they slept, side by side. Josh had tried to get in contact with someone to fix their heating system, but all the HVAC guys they could find had either skyrocketed their prices or were notorious for milking every last hour of their pay. Eventually, they did find a pair who could fix Josh's damn vents--but they were overseas for the holidays and wouldn't get back until early January.  
And so they'd made do, using a standing heater Mike bought a few weeks ago to try to keep things from freezing into ice. But even so, Josh's apartment was still ridiculously cold, especially at night when the cold mountain air found its way inside. And Mike hated it. Not for him, but for Josh. His boyfriend was naturally cold blooded and would often stay up at night, shivering.

Mike tried convincing him to reach out to his parents for financial support, but Josh had been on his own ever since bad blood had begun to boil between them in June. Mike always knew Josh was a stubborn guy, but he was particularly stubborn when it came to his new relationship with his family. Mike couldn't blame him.

As caring and well-intentioned as his parents were, the Washingtons could never fully understand Josh. They always sought for him a good life with the right resources and teachings and doctors. But for all the things they bought and sessions they paid for, they just expected too much out of him. So maybe Josh didn't make the best choices in their eyes--dropping out of college, for one--but he was only human. And really going through a lot, at that.

But the Washingtons did not understand what it was like to have an illness that nobody could see. They thought that if they helped enough, that it would go away. That Josh would become someone else. So naturally, when the love and support and loans didn't stop him from going through periods of isolation, they turned to the next best thing a parent could think of: cutting him off. Making a spoiled son live on his own would have been something understandable, but not when they break the news to him exactly three days after he introduces his /boyfriend/ for the first time.

So, yeah. Josh wasn't on great terms with them at the moment.

And that was why Josh would lie awake at night, wrapped in Mike's impossibly warm arms, shaking. Or, at least, it was part of the reason.

Mike and Josh made for an odd couple, and it was not only obvious to anyone but especially to the two themselves. Mike was a party animal, extroverted, driven, and more interested in making memories and dreams than in worrying about the future. Josh, however, was introverted and although he was a fun time at any party, always needed time to himself to recharge. However, for all the things they differed in, Mike and Josh had much in common.

Not many people experience the same traumatic experience as their significant other, but for Josh and Mike it was, in a weird way, a core part of what brought them together. Nobody understood Mike's nightmares like Josh, and nobody understood Josh's guilt like Mike. It was . . . an interesting dynamic, to say the least, and far from perfect. But for as much trouble as sharing a piece of their world brought them, it created a relationship unlike any either of them had ever experienced before. It was . . . remarkable.

There were days when the two would hardly see each other save at night, occupied with working and, for Mike, school. Those were the nights when all they needed was a loving embrace, or a soft reassurance after a disturbing dream, to show that they were there. Together. And alive.

Other days were filled with laughter and stolen time for a little selfish recreation. Those days often involved either Sam or Chris, and occasionally Ashley and Em. The years had done many things for each of them, but for all of them, it undeniably brought them together. Closer, through the thick and thin of grief and wendigos and new boyfriends (Em), and new girlfriends (Sam), and successes and failures alike. Life was . . . big. Bigger than any of them had ever imagined five years ago. And yet there they were.

The first few months after Josh and Mike got together were exhilarating. The highs--the moving in, the memories, the comfort, the sex--were some of the best of their lives. But the lows were just as tangible.

Mike struggled for a long time, coming to terms with being "a little gay for Josh Washington." It was no easy thing to go from a promiscuous straight-loving man to a committed boyfriend . . . of a guy. But Josh didn't let him suffer in silence. In fact, the latter had been more than understanding the first few weeks of their relationship, when Mike would casually avoid PDA or struggle to introduce himself to Josh's other friends and coworkers. Josh was patient, despite the pain it sometimes brought him. Until the day when Mike decided to fuck it all because here he was, dating the most amazing man in the world and he was afraid to say it. That was when he decided that he wouldn't be afraid anymore. Because he wasn't just finding his bisexuality, or smashing himself into a group of people. He was living, happily, with someone who may very well have been the man of his dreams.

As for Josh, there were times when he struggled to open up to Mike. Those were the times when he would avoid, a terrible habit of his, and make excuses as to why he wouldn't allow himself honesty anymore. Josh knew it was guilt, and he knew Mike knew it too. That's why Mike was patient--or at least, as patient as a worried Munroe could be. When Josh started to drift away, Mike would give him space, but not without reminding him that he wasn't alone, and that him and others were always there. Josh never took for granted the way Mike would hold him in his arms, strong and reassuring as he wiped his tears. "You do deserve me. You deserve me, and the others, and more. Everything you have you have earned. Don't ever forget that." 

\--

\--

It was six years after Josh realized his feelings for Mike that he admitted just how far those feelings went. He wished he could say he'd planned it all out--or just gone macho and spit it out without incentive. But in reality, he wasn't exactly . . . sober when it happened.

The two of them had just finished "Spiderman: Into the Spider-Verse" (Josh's suggestion) when they grabbed a few drinks and went home to the sanctity of a warm bed and shower. Despite Mike's protests, Josh had picked up a bit of a smoking habit, and so Mike wasn't all that surprised when he got out of the shower to find Josh lying on the edge of the bed, shirtless and with a joint in hand, smoke escaping through his nose and filling the room with a dank stench. Mike wasn't fond of it, so he went to open a window.

When he left it to go to Josh's side, he sat with him on the bed, slipping into a pair of briefs and that nasty wife-beater he insisted on wearing, despite Josh's claim that it made him look like a douche. He tossed his towel over to the desk and turned towards his friend, already coming up with a comment on the horrible stench in the room when Josh sat up, a mere six inches from his face.

"You wanna try?" He offered with an outstretched hand.

Mike made a disgusted face, but he couldn't help the way his eyes stayed trained on Josh's expression for a moment too long. He just looked so . . . at peace. It was unusual for him.

With a sigh, Mike gave in and accepted the offer. Josh smiled and leaned forward, pressing his fingers to Mike's lips as the latter inhaled.

Josh's eyes flickered down to Mike's throat temporarily before a cough interrupted him. Mike swiped at the air with a gag, looking absolutely horrified.  
"That shit's just as bad as it smells. I can't believe I'm dating a stoner."

But Josh just laughed--until Mike popped the joint from his lithe fingers and disposed of it in the bathroom. Mike returned to a relatively annoyed Washington, who groaned as he laid back against the bed, legs hanging off he edge and bare chest exposed as he arched his back slightly, stretching.

Mike watched the way the man's tan skin darkened in the shadow of his head, which was turning into his arm that lay bent beneath it. The bones in his neck popped out from his skin, drawing a line down to his chest. Mike's eyes scanned him, down to the line of his pants, and he realized then just how lucky he was.  
Without warning, he leaned down, Josh's eyes flickering open as Mike pressed an open mouth kiss to his neck, hand messing with the skin of his chest. Josh blushed, feeling euphoric from the weed, the cool breeze streaming in through the window, the dim lighting, and most of all, Mike's soft yet firm touches, brought on by nothing other than the man's sheer awe for him.

Josh exhaled, turning to face Mike. He looked down at Josh, eyes lidded and expression full of something so tender it would have made Josh gag to see on TV. But on Mike, it just made him feel . . .

Mike leaned down for a kiss, but Josh spoke as their lips brushed.

"I love you."

Josh didn't expect Mike to stop, nor did he expect him to turn and walk away. But then again, he wasn't expecting anything. Not when he was so entirely wrapped up in Mike's big, stupid, dreamy eyes.  
And that's why Josh scrambled out of bed, tripped on his own sheets, and hit his head on his desk. Entirely romantic, he knew, but looking back, he was grateful for the minor head injury. Because even though it hurt like shit, he'd been through worse, and besides, it got Mike to come back.

The next day, Mike skipped work due to "a family emergency." He returned Josh's sentiment from the previous day that night, when all the world seemed to focus on the two of them. Even without flowers or an obscene amount of chocolate, Josh still remembers that as one of the happiest--and cheesiest--days of his life.

\--

Then there was the night when Josh nearly got killed.

It was 3:15 when Mike awoke from his dream. Mike often dreamt of upsetting things, constantly losing sleep or any hope for a good day. But it was unusual for him to wake up to attack the man lying next to him.

The two had fallen asleep haphazardly, barely underneath a sheet and Mike still wearing his jeans from the day. Mike had his arms wrapped around Josh while the latter was curled up against him. Through the night, Josh had turned his head into the pillow and around, then facing Mike as he drooled slightly onto the sheets. As for Mike--well, he tossed and turned pretty often.

So that's why it didn't come as that much of a shock when Josh woke up to a fierce movement beside him. Regardless, he turned and blinked away the light of the lamp they had left on the night before, reaching blindly for Mike.  
"Babe?"

But upon making contact with the other man, Mike grabbed Josh's wrist and threw him off, instead climbing atop the other man and holding him down by his neck.  
Josh could barely breathe, let alone try to tell Mike to stop. So instead, he mouthed the name 'Michael' while reaching out for him, placing his hand on his chest and feeling his heartbeat. Mike stared at him in a mixture of panic, and fury, and pain.

"Where are your--"

Mike seemed to realize what was happening just as Josh's face had begun to change tone. He pulled away as if his skin burned and rolled off of Josh.  
"What the fuck. I--sorry. So sorry. Shit."

But Josh understood. He coughed and struggled to regain some air, but by the time he did, he was already reaching for Mike. His hand landed on Mike's arm and he held on tightly, although whether he was hoping to bring Mike back to reality or he was just as panicked as his partner was unclear.

"It's fine. Look at me. It's fine."

Mike forced himself to remain where he was. He breathed, eyes flickering around the room and mentally naming the colors of each of josh's stupid movie posters. He envisioned the texture of the dry wall, and the cool wood underneath it. He breathed. Absent mindedly, his hand covered Josh's, and Josh took that as a sign that he could move closer.

This time, it was Josh who wrapped his arms around the other, placing his chin on Mike's shoulder and turning to mutter sweetly in his ear.  
"You're with me, man. Safe. In Denver, in our apartment. You're safe."

Mike turned to Josh and his eyes flickered from his eyes to his mouth.  
"You . . . you're normal."

"Uh . . . sure you're thinking of the right guy?"

Mike didn't respond, instead reaching out to press his fingertips to Josh's lips. He looked in Josh's eyes as he slowly moved one finger inside his mouth, gently grazing over his teeth.  
Josh's eyes widened and he pulled back only slightly, Mike's hand leaving his lips and hanging in the air before moving to his neck.

"Sorry. I just had to make sure."

"Uhh please don't tell me you had a nightmare about my teeth."

Mike didn't laugh. Instead, he turned to Josh with wide, watery eyes.  
"No. You were . . . one of them."

Josh froze. He didn't need clarification.

Mike moved closer again, hand cupping Josh's cheek as he looked into his eyes, searching. He seemed satisfied as he pulled away, relieved.  
"Your eyes were clouded too. It was . . . God, it kind of was a fucking shit show, to be honest." He paled as he seemed to recall something, and Josh flexed his fingers in worry.

"Hey, nonono, stop that. Come here."

Josh pulled Mike closer until their foreheads were touching. He looked at him, intense and focused.  
"I'm human. I've still got my pearly whites, and you've still got me."

Mike nodded against his head and exhaled, reaching for Josh's hands around his neck and holding them.

"You saved me in the mine." Josh smiled, showing off his perfectly normal teeth. "Like some kind of hero."

Mike scoffed but met Josh's eyes, focusing on the intensity in their wide, passionate grip.

"Y'know. /My/ hero."

Mike swallowed, and for whatever reason he found himself needing to feel him--to remind himself that Josh was okay, and that Hannah didn't get him, and that Josh was human and alive and relatively fine. And so he leaned forward and took his lips in his own, kissing him lovingly and noting that there were no fangs--no overly stretched limbs, no glazed over eyes. Just Josh--perfect, and alive.

\--


	2. 5 AM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "And we've got work in the morning  
> But it's nearly 5 a.m.  
> Is this really what we envisioned?  
> We won't be 21 again  
> And in the haze you see colours  
> And problems suddenly make sense  
> But the way you've been going  
> You'll be in an early grave"

Josh took a breath, then watched as he exhaled a cloud of fog into the cold autumn night.  
Around him, a few streetlights cast dim rays of light onto the sidewalk, but the true colors of the night came from the traffic lights that covered Josh's path in red and green.

Josh knew that somewhere in the back of his mind, he paid attention to his path, choosing when to turn and when to stop. But the bulk of his thoughts were elsewhere--specifically with the dream that sent him out into the dead of night. He shivered as a cool breeze brushed up against him, and the action spurred a memory of cold snow against his flesh.

Vision fading, being obscured by blackness even when his eyes were wide. The sunlight of the world around him disappearing with the trees and falling snow. It was silent. He didn't move. He didn't dare.

And then it came.

Josh's eyes snapped wide open, and he stopped his walk to glance around him. Blinking red light illuminated the street before him, as well as the open space of the parking lot behind him, save for his own silhouette. He waited in pure attention for what must have been a minute. Then his thoughts began to race.

He thought of the sensation of becoming blind, waiting for an enemy he couldn't see to find him and break him down, limb by limb. He thought of that enemy--of a black butterfly tattoo and the slightest familiarity of small, sloped shoulders. And then it came. A sickness, pulling at his stomach and forcing him to hunch even as he continued walking in the night. It was accompanied by horrible images made only more vivid by the flashing red light against his closed eyes. Blood. Blood and raw muscle, intestines, tubes, bursting veins--a severed pig's head lying in the snow--teeth biting down on decaying flesh.

"Shitshitshit!"

Josh opened his eyes and curled his hands into fists. A few feet before him was a bus stop. he made his way to the bench hiding in the small plastic alcove and sat, the heaviness of his thoughts forcing him to drop his head over his knees.

Josh felt his mind race, and his heart paralleled the rhythm.  
He hated seeing that shit. Flashes of the grotesque, plaguing his thoughts like a shot--in and out quick as can be, but leaving him wounded nonetheless. But the wounds never healed. They only piled up, getting larger and larger and adding to the very weight of gravity around him. He was bleeding out, but he didn't know how to stop. He felt hopeless. Hurt. And so, so very tired.

When Josh next opened his eyes, it was to the sound of a voice calling out his name.

Josh blinked, then blinked again as he came face to face with a twisted view of his boyfriend's worried face. He frowned and realized he was lying down. He sat up, feeling light headed at the action, and a strange fear struck him that he would not be able to support the weight of his own head. He teetered at the thought, but a strong hand kept him in place.

"Josh. Hey. Look at me, babe."

Slowly, he complied, his eyes wide and yet empty.

Mike cupped his cheek. His thumb swiped gently across his clean shaven skin, his eyes focused so intently on Josh's own.

"What happened?"

Josh blinked. What time was it?

"I looked for you for an hour, but fuck if I know how long you were out. Shit--you're freezing."

Josh closed his eyes and allowed Mike to join him on the bench. The former melted against his boyfriend's side, and said boyfriend held him close.

"Say something, man, please."

Josh opened his mouth, his raspy voice sounding far away to his ears.  
"Sorry."

Mike sighed and rubbed his arm. "Don't. . . It's okay."

They sat together in silence for only a minute or so before beginning the walk back home. Mike tried to talk to Josh, hoping he would open up. But Josh was unresponsive, and continued to be so until Mike gave up and let the silence hang over them for the remainder of their walk.

Mike stopped in front of building C and turned into the dimly lit hallway, Josh at his side if slightly behind. However, when they reached the top of the first set of stairs, Mike turned to find Josh had stopped a few feet back.

"Josh?"

Josh spoke while staring at the floor before him, his eyes wide and hard to read in the small amount of light pouring through the hallway from the outside lights.

"It's never going to stop, is it?"

A pause.

Mike bit his lip before walking back to Josh's side.  
"You're at the top of the stairs, babe."

Josh gave him his signature "you're a dumbass" look, and Mike felt a spark of hope in his chest.

". . . Come on. It's cold here."

Josh reluctantly followed his boyfriend inside, where they removed their jackets and shoes. Mike stretched his arms high into the air, then behind his back.

"I gotta be honest, you scared the shit outta me when I woke up. Hell--I'm still a little scared."  
He waited for a response, then continued when none came. "What made you run off like that anyway? You know you can wake me up if something happens--"

Mike was cut off when Josh gripped his arm, skin unusually pale and jaw tight.  
"Mike."

Mike froze in place, dread surging through his body even as his mind was called to action. Josh needed him, if it wasn't already made obvious by the way his head hung low, hand clenched around Mike's shirt. Josh eventually let go and stepped away, hands finding their way into the pockets of his jeans.

Mike followed his step, ducking his head to catch his boyfriend's gaze.

"Babe. Look at me."

Josh hesitated before meeting his eyes. Mike felt a pang of hurt seeing the way they were wide in fear, yet distant.

"--I--no. I . . . I don't know. I don't know if it ever will. Stop, I mean."

Josh swallowed, and Mike tried to find the words to continue.

". . . You know." Mike stepped closer, eyes dropping to just past Josh's shoulder.  
"I don't think there's much hope for that, babe. For either of us."

Mike's eyes moved back to Josh, and he reached out to hold his arms.  
"But who says it isn't worth it?"

Josh said nothing, for long enough that Mike wondered if he shouldn't have held him.

But then--

”I need a drink."

Mike watched without much surprise as Josh moved past him and to the tiled floor behind their kitchen counter. Mike followed him despite knowing the futility of trying to stop him.

"Josh, come on, it's almost 5 o'clock. We both have work in the morning."

Josh ignored him.

"Josh."

Still nothing, save the pop of an opening fridge door. Mike frowned and walked up behind him, determined to find another solution for Josh's sour mood. He reached out and gently pulled Josh back, taking the handle of the fridge in an attempt to close it.  
But the action had Josh turning, a flipped switch as he pushed Mike back against the counter beside the fridge.

Mike tensed, reflex making him reach for a gun that wasn't there.

"/Josh./"

Mike gave him a warning look, but Josh's gaze was focused somewhere else.

Suddenly, Mike realized the position they were in.  
Josh had him pinned against the counter, hands balled up in fists around Mike's T-Shirt. He was close, feet beside Mike's as he leaned against him. Briefly, Mike noticed their hips brush--then the tears in Josh's eyes. Mike's eyebrows furrowed, but Josh's gaze was unrelenting.

His eyes flickered from Mike's to the man's lips, and suddenly, he stilled.

Mike stared at him, not sure what he was supposed to feel. Worried? Scared? Damn it all, Josh was so light against him. How did that happen?

Without warning, Mike gasped as Josh swooped forward and crashed his lips against his own.

Mike tried to pull away, feeling wetness against his cheek. Josh let him, though reluctantly--eyes still trained on his lips.  
Mike brushed a tear away, then lifted his boyfriend’s head by his chin, meeting his gaze.

He opened his mouth to say something, but no words came. He let it fall closed, only for Josh’s eyes to flicker down with the movement.

It was strange. Josh could still feel the numbness from before, and yet all he could think about was how Mike unconsciously puckered his lips. It made him look so damn inviting.

The other man seemed to notice the shift, and then it was him who was pulling Josh flush against him and leaning forward to capture his lips.

The kiss was fast, and deep—tongue coming into play much faster than logic could explain.  
Normally in this situation Mike would take the lead, but he found himself submitting to his man as Josh scrunched the fabric of his T-shirt in his fists.

Mike pulled away eventually, hands moving lower down Josh’s back as he tilted his head and kissed the tears now drying against Josh’s cheek.  
Josh sucked in a breath at the action, and he felt his heart pause—then swell.

Overcome by the sudden emotion, he ducked his head away and towards the exposed skin where Mike’s shirt had fallen towards his shoulder. Josh didn’t know what possessed him then, but he found himself sinking his teeth into his boyfriend’s skin, obviously rougher than expected.  
Mike groaned, equal parts surprised and pleased. His long eyelashes fluttered close, and his hands dropped then to Josh’s ass.

Mike chuckled in amusement when Josh wiggled against his grip. He smiled. Josh was coming back to him.

Without warning, Josh tore away then from his chest and wrapped an arm around his neck. His eyes were soft yet darkening, and he whispered against his boyfriend’s lips.  
“Let’s save the magic for the bed.”

Mike couldn’t agree more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should I write a continuation,,? Hm

**Author's Note:**

> Anybody else think Rami Malek is super hot? Anyways,,


End file.
